by Michelle Cote
I was at the bottom with
No end in sight.
Mind numbing pain and sorrow
Blocked my vision and stopped my breath,
But then, from a soul sister, in the silence of despair,
Came a glimmering of hope,
A way to stop my ego, to
Reign in my mind.
She brought wise words of knowing,
A knowing and watching, a feeling and seeing.
And as I accepted that seeing and knowing,
the thoughts began to drop away
One by one like autumn leaves.
There came an absence of words,
A deep stilling of my soul.
Finally a way to be, just be, the only way,
But not quite a total release as I was yet
too weak, too exhausted from my struggle.
Parts of my ego and anger still held on, their grip
Like tentacles wrapped around my heart.
I wanted to let go, I thought that maybe
the “wanting” was in the way,
But I accepted that soon even the wanting would be
of no consequence, it would drop away on its own and
The anger would stop sneaking up on me,
Grabbing me from behind when I least expected it.
I know now that my ego and willful mind will not
Let go without a fight.
A fight to remain in charge, to perpetuate their control
And continue deluded behavior.
But I have changed, grown,
and can now watch them from a safe distance and
At times even smile at their antics,
But I grow tired of their stubbornness,
their uncooperative nature,
their disdain for what is best for me.
They do not have my best interest at heart.
They have no heart.
Those two are not who I am
and when I am finally in tune to the being that is my true self,
All else will naturally fall away
and I won’t have to “deal” with either of them,
Nothing else will exists but the Now and
There I will happily stay.
Michelle Cotes loves to write poetry. Her poems describe her emotions beautifully. Michelle is in the process of working on two novels. She loves to garden and preserve what she grows by canning and freezing. She lives in what she describes as “a very cute little white cottage in the big woods.”
Her poetry can be found at http://heartwordsforpoetry.org where this poem first appeared. Her poem “My Hope” was recently re-blogged here on Helios.